Dating two guys same time
I normally Internet stalk my online dating connections pretty thoroughly. But life had gotten busy, and for a few days I was swiping right on Coffee Meets Bagel without my normal due diligence. Both seemed nice, but I was having trouble keeping them straight. I had to ask Levine about this, because I see it time and again in my friends, and though I’ve never been guilty of it—when I fall, I fall hard—it’s definitely a modern phenomenon.If this is the case for you, Levine does not mince her words.This is the unwritten rule of dating in the modern age.In light of all this, I asked psychologist Irene Levine, clinical professor of psychiatry at New York University Langone School of Medicine, to demystify the allure of dating multiple people simultaneously, once and for all.Women are planners, and those who think ahead enjoy backup plans.
I’ve watched her go through all of the phases I went through when I was freshly out of a long-term relationship: thinking about dating; dating; embarking on a dating freeze; swearing off dating forever, with and without a solemn oath; and trying on every state in between.
I asked her why distraction works so well, and why we are so much better at not freaking out about dating when we have a couple irons in the fire, even if neither of them is actually viable.
“When a woman dates more than one person at a time, she is less vulnerable because, should something go wrong with any one relationship, she can fall back on another,” says Levine.
“It’s healthy to date multiple people if you aren’t ready for commitment and aren’t sure of what you are looking for, as long as you are honest with the people you are dating,” Levine says.
In other words, if you’re ISO a diamond ring, dating three people at once is probably not wise.
Since you’re not relying on one person to fulfill all of your dating needs, Levine points out you’re more likely to be “satisfied” or at least “complacent with less than perfect individuals, each of whom provides something positive or worthwhile.” Plus, you won’t be wishing that anyone would be someone they’re not, because you’ll be more relaxed and “less likely to be demanding of any one relationship, even in terms of the other person’s fidelity,” she says.